As I have
previously posted about,
I have been on this journey for almost two years. I have gone from a pasta
loving, cokeaholic (the soft drink
variety!), binge drinking, self-hating twenty something to a vegie
juicing, meditating, whole foods chef. I have fallen off the wagon more times
than I can count and I am now in this in between state where I usually start
the week off as a wellness warrior but end it in a messed up I-don’t-care-anymore
binge fest! And I think I have figured out why!
When I first
figured out what was going on with my body the naturopath described my body as TOXIC.
This and all its negative connotations sent me right into a space of fear. I
began a strict 12 week elimination diet/cleanse to help repair my body. BUT I
did it out of fear. I was scared I would be sick, lethargic and depressed
forever. I hated feeling like that and I made myself do the hard yards to make
it stop. And it worked! 12 weeks later I was feeling much better! I had lost
5kg, had healed my food allergies, my skin was clear and glowing, my energy
levels had improved and I was more emotionally stable.
Slowly but
surely I started reintroducing the old favourites back into my diet. First it
was a bit of coke at a dinner with friends, then it was some chocolate at work
and before I knew it things were back to normal. I was angry at myself for
stepping away from my wellness journey and the fear crept back in. And so
started this little wellness merry-go-round. I would be scared of getting sick
and be healthy… slack off and hate myself for it… and the fear would return.
It is only
recently through my work with Connie Chapman's 90 Day Transformation Guide that
I have begun to look more closely at these fears and lack of motivation. If my
motivation is from a place of fear I am telling myself I am not enough just as
I am. I am judging myself for not being perfect.
Instead, I
need to approach this journey from a space of love. I need to love myself
enough to make nourishing choices and love and accept where I am right now.
Sure… I may make some not so great choices but I need to love and accept where
I am right now!
Last week
Tara Bliss also posted about an approach which I am keen to try out. She speaks
about setting yourself small intentions or choices for each day. Rather than
looking at the end result of self-love or in my case, wellness, break it up
into attainable baby steps.
Just for
today, I choose to have two vegie juices.
Just for
today, I will move my body before I go to work.
Just for
today, I will meditate for 20min and sit with my feelings.
Totally
DOABLE!
Thanks for posting this Kate. I know exactly where you're coming from.
ReplyDeleteNo worries :) I hope you found it helpful!
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